Let's make a proposition! A proposition, that is, for how you can visualize your marriage and family relationship to make it vibrant again.
After taking 100+ hours of executive coach training some years ago, I reread a recommended text entitled The One-Page Business Plan, by Jim Horan. Jim wrote about organizations building the business environment around clear mission and vision statements in order to thrive. I thought, if the business world pays attention to building its thriving system around a vision statement, why hadn't we thought about this for relationships, marriage, and family? I began thinking further that we learn from the world's resources...business, religion, philosophy, the human condition... the universe is our teacher! Wouldn't it be marvelous that couples, too, create a marriage/relationship vision statement of their own?
Here's my hopeful thoughts about it: A healthy and vibrant marriage requires an intentional, expansive VISION that portrays your heart/mind/physical/emotional hopes, wishes, and desired behaviors, aimed at with a shared intentional mind-set. Moran states that a vision statement "...should stimulate thinking, communicate passion [there's that passion concept for you!], and paint a very graphic picture...". I translated this concept of Vision to Marriage and Relationships. I recommend that couples create Vision Statements by writing descriptions about the relationship they want with their partner and share them with each other. Some start-up ideas could be the following:
1. Describe three characteristics of what you will be doing with your partner ( fun activities, love play, cooking dinner together, weekend travel, etc).
2. Describe three characteristics of your own best current, and potential, behaviors that enhance the vision for which you yearn.
3. Describe three characteristics of relationships you admire in respected others which you would like to emulate in your own relationship (they might be grandparents, an endearing, solid couple,etc).
4. Describe three behaviors you absolutely won't do in your relationship covenant.
5. Describe three characteristics of behaviors and talking points (bad mouthing, spiteful retorts) that you would be better off not bringing into your relationship covenant.
Here's a couple or so vision statements you might begin as an example for writing and doing:
1. Each day we are hugging and kissing good morning & good night together!
2. Each day we are eating one of our meals together!
3. On one week-end a month, we are_____________________________________________!
4. One night a week, I offer my_____________________________________to my partner!
5. Before we leave home for the day, we__________________________________________.
6. We feel gratified with each other sexually and we welcome each other's___________________!
7. Each day we have a ritualized ______# of minutes of talking time with each other to__________.
Of course, you've got lots of your own thoughts for your Marriage/Relationship Vision. Go for it! It's a great proposition! Talk to each other about your VISION for you life together! Make it so!!